We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
