how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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