They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
