She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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