my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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