Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
