Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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