fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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