I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
