so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
