At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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