It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
