do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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