He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
