What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
