Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
