I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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