you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
