there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
