cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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