Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
