I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
