I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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