Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
