so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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