if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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