i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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