Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
