FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
