Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
