I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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