Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
