im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
