I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
