R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
