Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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