What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
