the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
