I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
