dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
