the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
