Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My ass is underappreciated
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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