I murdered the dance floor call the cops
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
