I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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