I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
