I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
