There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
