yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
