Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
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Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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