there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You're like the curious george of whores
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
