I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
