btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
