worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
