3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We left the knife in your bed.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
