I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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