what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
