i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
