Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
