and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize