You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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