My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner