so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.