a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
